somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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