whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
