I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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