Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
