Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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