We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
