Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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