Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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