This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
