just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
