oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
