Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
