My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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