Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
how drunk are you?
Several
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
