Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
