So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
