i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
