So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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