I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
