I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
did you just send me my own nude
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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