so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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