At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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