Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
