Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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