Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
