So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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