Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
