For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
