What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
