eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
