i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
