had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
