The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
