I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
