What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Randomize
