he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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