Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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