U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
