You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
