who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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