Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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