it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
