It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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