CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
