Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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