So gin and wine won't be happening again
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
