It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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