I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
