I need to stop coming to work sober
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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