My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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