You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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