I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
