This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
