I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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