Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
