Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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