I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
