How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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