He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
