Having a random hookup so left but love u
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
