She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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