this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My vagina is officially offended.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
