I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize