She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
