why didn't you poke me back
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
