Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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