there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize