I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
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My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
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Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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