I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
