I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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